Let's talk about depression

People don't talk about depression much do they? There are those ads you see on tv for depression medicines that show a person looking sad. But its so much more complicated than that.
And some people assume you can just take some 'meds' and be done with it, but its more complicated than that too. There are a few types of depression. There is manic depression which is a constant battle and must be treated because it can be life threatening. There is clinical depression which is diagnosed as something wrong in your brain that affects your ability to produce happy chemicals, therefore making you sad. Then their is familial depression. It is characterized by  recurring bursts of depression, called depressive episodes. This type of depression is passed down genetically and can be mild or severe depending on the person.
Much of the time, someone with familial depression feels just as happy as the average person, but sometimes that person has a depressive episode. Maybe it lasts a week, maybe it lasts for months.
Sometimes the episode means sleeping a lot and losing motivation. Sometimes it means crying for no reason and not being able to handle things you could normally handle. Sometimes it means wishing you were dead.
Someone with depression has to learn to control themselves, control their outlook. Its so easy to become hopeless, but you've got to stop yourself. Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle, a battle against this dark part of yourself. You don't want to admit that dark side is there because you're scared of being weak and feeling out of control. But sometimes you have to face that dark side in order to silence it.
Sometimes you have to just lie in bed and listen to Elvis for an hour or have a whole bar of gourmet chocolate. Sometimes, for the depression to pass, you have to feel the hurt, embrace the sadness, let yourself feel crappy. But its so hard to keep that within bounds sometimes. Its so hard to stay balanced when its late and you feel completely alone. Its hard when you feel that no one understands how you feel and when everyone still treats you bad even when you're clearly so close to breaking.
And its hard to be seen as a freak or a crazy person or to have people assume you are menstruating just because you are sad.
When these things happen and someone is trying to fight off a depressive episode, it helps to focus on the small things in life, like a compliment someone gave you today or some really hearty soup. Maybe its playing a video game or maybe its listening to Elvis, but you've got to find a way to fight. This life is so worth living, no matter how hard it is, and I believe that our natural drives to succeed and to overcome can be more powerful than our emotions. Sometimes it feels that our emotions control us, but in response to that, I will quote some good advice I received today:
"Katie, is anyone holding your face and stopping you from smiling? Only yourself. So do the world a favor and smile a beautiful smile."
So I will. Despite my circumstances, despite my flawed brain, despite my inner darkness, I will smile. I will smile to show everything that I will come out conqueror. I will smile to show my feelings that they don't control me. I will smile to show the world that I'm a winner, and I will win this.