Imploding..

Do you ever just feel like you are about to explode? Like your brain and your heart cannot take any more of the shallowness and immaturity that you witness on a daily basis. At home when I grew tired of the world, I could go lie down alone on the forest floor and listen to the natural sounds of the world. The whushing wind, rustling leaves, chirping birds. It was absolute peace: seclusion from the outside world. Where can I find that here? Where can I find peace? I am surrounded by people, yet I feel alone. I want to find silence and peace. I want to get away from this constant rush, this constant white noise, the shallow interactions of everyday life here.

I don't want it anymore. It was fun at first to have so many people around, but right now, right here, I want to be alone with the night. I want a forest, a mountain. I want Washington.

I have yet to find a similar outlet to finding peace in the woods. The closest I have come is walking up and sitting at the foot of the temple late at night, but even then there are cars driving by constantly. I can't escape the civilization. If only I had a car and could drive to some farm and sit among the fields in peace. But I don't even have that. For the first time in my life, silence is not within walking distance.
And my consciousness feels like imploding.