The true creation

I'm embarking on a great adventure tomorrow, and I've been reflecting a lot as I take the long drive to Salt Lake in a big van with seven sleeping girls.
For someone with so many amazing blessings, I sure do angst a lot. I've always had this deep-seeded darkness or negativity inside of me that I battle constantly. I've also always had this part of me that is happy just to be alive. My innards could be described as a battle between life and hate. But isn't this the existence we mankind are destined to live? Our inner demi-gods seek goodness and light while our human natures seek darkness and rebellion. This is the battle we are taught to wage on our "natural man." The age old turmoil between good and bad, light and darkness.
They cannot exist in the same space and so they fight for the stage. Darkness prevails in some battles, but we hope that light will win the war.
While I do strive for light and righteousness, the creative part of my soul often craves darkness and sadness because it recognizes the beauty and inspiration of it. I've addressed the artist's angst before: the reason for destructive tendencies in creative people.
In my creative writing class, we have learned about what my teacher calls "points of tension" in literature. He says the power of a piece is directly dependent on the amount and intensity of points of tension. This has shown further light on my theories about the artist's angst.
Why do we thirst after conflict so much? Our souls long for peace while our humanity seeks dissonance and distress. And so we like conflicts and resolutions in literature, art, drama and music.
This is part of the reason why creative individuals may seek discordance in their own lives. It's why I constantly let people in my life who I know will be bad for me and hurt me. And why I often go after boys who will never like me back or will ever treat me right. Perhaps it's why I fell in love with a boy I knew was leaving for two years.
It sounds morbid, but any creative person will understand because I believe we all have destructive tendencies to some degree during at least part of our lives. There is something so dissonant but beautiful about unrequited love. Something so inspiring about overcoming a bad relationship. The heart is so much more poetic when its broken.
The most creating I've ever done has been in the midst of an abusive relationship or shortly after being dumped. However, in contrast to that, the only time I was ever more creative than that was when I was truly in love, for love conquers all.
High school infatuation provided many songs and poems but true love inspires change and meaning. When I had that best friend, that loving presence in my life, I felt more alive than I ever had. He helped me realize the best and the worst in myself. As he said to me one time, "You are my biggest weakness yet my greatest strength." I had never believed in soulmates, but he taught me new meaning to the phrase "other half." Every day was an adventure, a fulfillment of a dream. 
To lose that presence from my life was enough to give me writer's block for the first time in my life. All the lust for life was sucked out of me, all the light extinguished. Writing had once been my best friend. Now it was a joker dancing in the corner of my subconsciousness taunting my pain.
That heartbreak was the only pain in my life that inspired nothing. And that was when I realized the power of love and the true nature of artist's angst. We seek discordance for inspiration only until we find life's true inspiration: love. The creativity we thought we found in heartbreak flees in the face of true love. And so the "tortured artist" archetype only lasts as long as we can go before finding love. Once we can find that, we will never want for inspiration again.