Being hurt

It's easy to say that you have general goodwill to everyone and that you forgive everyone who hurts you. But when someone actually hurts you, it becomes harder to maintain that. It's harder to keep having a positive attitude, to keep being kind to everyone when you get hurt really bad. Especially if it's someone close to you, a loved one. Those ones hurt the worst, and take the longest to heal. Especially if they hurt you by breaking your trust.
Trust. It takes a lifetime to build it, and one moment to shatter it.
Sometimes people hurt you so bad that you can't stop crying and you just want to go to sleep and never wake up. But atleast have a dreamless sleep so you don't have flashbacks in your dreams of being hurt. How do you get over being hurt that bad? Do you just wait for it to fade? Just sit around feeling like dying until you kind of minutely feel like living?
Ugh. Truth is, someone close to me hurt me very badly. And truth is that I don't think anyone really cares because I am still pretty insignificant. But what else am I supposed to do but write when he did the two things that would hurt me the very most in the whole world that he promised he would never do? ...Ugh. I feel like my insides have been ripped out of me. Just add him to the list. Ugh. My heart broke. I think it disinigrated too. ....ugh...!
So what now? I'm listening to him go on about ridiculous things like a sewing machine and a place called "Citrus Heights" pretending that it's ok, but it's so not. And I don't really know when it will be ok. But atleast this one doesn't demand or expect forgiveness right away like the rest of people who've hurt me.
But I know what comes next, I get so tired of the pain and heartache that I just make myself not care anymore. I rebuild that wall that we worked so hard to break through. Going backwards in time, in progress. Ugh, this blog is sounding emo. I guess I have to write about every emotion: happiness, love, and now heartache. I hope I survive this one.